Married to the Military

Recently I have been reading a wonderful book given to me by a friend out here. It's called Confessions of a Military Wife by Mollie Gross. It's a hilarious book written from the perspective of a Marine wife as she goes through her first experiences with the military. I love this book because it is a real life depiction of her life with nothing held back. Personally, it should be given to every new military wife and girlfriend so they know what they are getting into. After reading this book and talking to a few friends and family members, I decided to write a post about my experiences here and how they might be similar to or different from those that Mollie talks about in her book. 

Dependent vs. Independent- When you are married to someone in the military you are labeled their "dependent". For me, it is a constant reminder that I am contributing nothing to society and completely financially dependent on someone else in my life, something that is very difficult for me to wrap my head around. Long story short, I don't call myself a dependent! However, as I have discovered and as Mollie points out in her book, as a military spouse you have to be anything but dependent. I am very lucky in the fact that my husband has not yet deployed and (fingers crossed) I don't think he will deploy anytime soon. But he is gone about every two days for 30-36 hours and when he is home he is tired and doesn't really want to do a lot. When it comes to household things, paying bills, running errands and other general adult stuff, most of that has fallen to me. This doesn't bother me because I know that my husband works very hard at his job and I take pride in taking care of these things. But, you can see why the term dependent might bother me. If anything, some days I think the term should apply to him! 

2nd best- When you get married, you automatically assume that you will be number one in your husband's life. You promise to be there for each other in sickness and in health and good times and bad. When you are married to a military man, the military comes first. They dictate where you live, what time you get to spend together and when you get to take vacations. When I was dying of flu/death a few weeks ago lying on the bathroom floor, I was on my own. I knew that my husband was gone and he could not come home. When your husband is in the military, you cannot just call him to come home from work because you are sick or lonely or the car broke down. This isn't because he doesn't love you or doesn't want to be there for you, he simply can't. Before you get involved with someone in the military, you have to understand this and you can't blame your husband for not being there. He probably feels enough guilt as it is and he doesn't need his wife blaming him for things he cannot change. Besides, when you see his cute butt in that uniform, it makes everything all worth it! Who doesn't love a man in uniform! Mollie says it best in her book: 

"To make a military marriage work you must accept that your are number two in your husband's life- behind the military. The key to keeping the marriage together and the home happy is keeping him number one in your life.  This is a really tough pill to swallow. This means living for someone else and recognizing his life is not about you... If you both love each other and keep in mind that you are serving a greater calling, you will find acceptance and peace."

Making Friends- Making friends has been interesting here on base. When I heard we were moving to a military base I was really excited because I have always heard that military women are tight knit and very friendly. I was expecting block parties welcoming the new people, being invited to socials and people coming over to say hello and introduce themselves! I was sorely mistaken. Many of the men that came up here from Anthony's class are either single or in long distance relationships so I couldn't find automatic friends in them. And many of the women here are actually in the Air Force so even though they are wonderful friends, they do not have the ample free time that I enjoy. I realized that I am going to have to work a little harder make friends here so I am hoping to start either volunteering at the community center or something with church. Now that the weather is warmer, I have a lot more options.

Finances- Well, 7 applications later and I still do not have a job. I'm not entirely sure what is wrong with me or why, as a college graduate I am not qualified to sell clothes, stock shelves or sell food at a bowling alley but I guess I am spending the summer by the pool! Because I don't have a job we are still down to one car and until I get a job and start making money, we are going to be a one car family for a while. This severely limits the jobs that I can apply for and makes off base jobs pretty much out of the question. Because of where the base is located in town, most of the businesses are a little ways away and if the weather does not cooperate, it would make getting to work difficult. Also, Anthony doesn't have a normal work schedule so I do not have consistent times that I can pick him up from work and the last thing I want to do is be at work when he gets home. I would feel horrible if he had to wait or walk home after being awake from almost 24 hours away from home. But after looking over the finances we concluded that I either need to get a job or our lives are going to be very boring for  a while. 

Well to wrap up this post I'll tell a little story about life on base. So, Anthony has an alarm on his phone that we wake up to every morning and I absolutely hate it. It sounds like the alarm that plays on movies when aliens attack the ship and the lights go out or the alarm that blares through a town right before it is leveled by a nuclear bomb. Bottom line: it is the most annoying thing in the world and I hate it. Last night Anthony told me he had to set his ringer on high because he might get a call and he needs to answer it. I assumed it had something to do with the Air Force but I just said ok and continued watching food network. So, 5:15 rolls around this morning and I am sound asleep. Suddenly I hear the loudest, most terrifying alarm that I can imagine. Now, I am on an Air Force base so the first thing that crosses my mind is we are being attacked and I need to evacuate the house immediately (I don't know why! It was early and I was confused!) So, I shoot out of bed, ready to run and the only thing going through my mind is what do I need to grab before soldiers come bursting through my door! While I am standing there shaking and panting, Anthony simply rolls over, turns off his alarm and goes back to sleep. Yup. It takes about 20 minutes before my shaking stops and I have finally convinced myself that the world is not ending so I go back to sleep for a bit and dream of a Zombie apocalypse. 

Fast forward: I drop Anthony off at work at about 7:00 and when I say goodbye to him he says: "plan for extra time today if you leave base." Now, it was crazy early in the morning and I have learned to not ask a lot of questions so I just say "ok" and say goodbye. Then I start driving away and realize what he said. What!?! What does that mean!?!?! What he heck is going on!?!? So I come home to do some laundry and clean up a little bit when I hear a man's voice outside. I peek through the blinds to see if some creeper is outside my window but there's no one to be found. I open a window to hear a man's voice over the PA system blasting all over base. I don't catch all of what he says but its something about security "exercise Delta" and then it ends. You may not know this but bases have security levels that they operate under. (think terror alerts at air ports- different colors mean different levels of threat) Alpha is everything is good and it almost never goes above that. The only time I have experienced anything else is when they have had "Exercise Bravo" which makes it a pain in the butt getting on and off base. Now here I am, alone, under a security level two letters higher than anything I have experienced! What does this mean!?! What do I do!?! I frantically texted everyone I know on base and of course Anthony is now gone and can't use his phone. I had plans to go run errands today but instead I decided to stay indoors and wait for the tanks to roll down the streets. Well, finally Anthony can text me back and he just says that it is just an exercise and it just means that getting on and off base will be more difficult. Well I didn't feel like dealing with that today so I decided to just stay home today and watch tv. (I heard that they locked down the BX today during the exercise! I plan to ask Anthony just what the heck happens during "Delta"!) 

Life on base may be a lot of things but it is never boring!